Red Rot

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sarcasm is a sign of people who are weak

i still remember that from reading a separate peace. someone asked me how to spell medicine and i spelled it wrong. i am not as emotionally resilient as i think. i have cried three or more times today over little things over big things over little things that feel like big things over nothing. i keep thinking about you colorado & i wish i wasnt because you are distracting me. this is not beautiful but neither am i. just skillfully composed every once in a while to trick you. illusions and mirrors. i am just what you think i am. i am just my imagination. i feel so terribly bad today and humbly weepily good. my bishop said when you clear out the bad you have to replace the emptiness with good. i think thats why i feel so empty. the bad is gone (or going) but theres no good inside this shell. i am not as emotionally resilient as i think, or strong, or nice, or pretty, but maybe one day.

2:39 p.m. - 2005-12-25

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