Red Rot

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ties that bind

lately i am busy and breaking, up in the witching hours to master impossible tasks and i am no closer to finishing and i am bordering empty. i told you i was hitting the bottom, gasping with tears down my cheeks, alone on the carpet of my room. and i choked, wiping the tears off my face, hurrying to avoid explanations. because no one knows how you feel if you dont let them in. and i am closed.

and i loved her for dinner and for knowing that i am hungry perpetually, satisfied to store up physically what eludes me emotionally

and i loved him for feelings, for needing a wife right now, for 10 o clock at night outside of our plankboard house, sitting in the minivan. for needing to go, but waiting because i couldnt hold it in anymore. and i sat on your lap like a child and you held me while i cried through your shirt and through your jacket and through my tears and through your tears

1:48 a.m. - 2006-11-14

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