Red Rot

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

slippery slope

he is sick so i called an old he who said i am obsessed with myself, because i change my pictures on "the porch" so frequently (really just twice lately? once by the lamp and once in the bathroom)

i wanted to be comforted to bite back my under the surface sinking and i thought i would be comforted looking at old pictures and thinking to call to check in

but suddenly i didnt want to talk or be friends or receive those pictures you promised/half-promised you'd send me that i used to be excited about until this moment and i dont care that i havent talked to you in a month and i lied when i said that i miss you because i miss you sometimes and thats not the same as christmas break or summer trips when you left me alone in a provo basement to forget you and find some fleeting someone anyone to fall asleep beside me for company

and he, the third he, the million third hes will fall asleep beside you because you're pretty, but who gives a damn about pretty?

we were over phone conversation, long distance trip; we've always been over because you make me feel small in a joking way that no one else can or has or will

10:21 p.m. - 2006-03-02

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

< - >