Red Rot

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

on being assertive and learning to own my feelings

I read a book where the main character was a pleaser. She always put others before herself. Everything about her delivery was tentative and soft. She never wanted to hurt anyone.

I'm self-aware enough to recognize that I can be that person. But I'm also self-evaluative. I don't have any desire to be weak. I'm learning to take care of myself. I don't need people to like me. My instinct is to be friendly and assuaging but I still have a relevant voice.

To Quinn: I deserved better from the person who was supposed to care most about me. In the end, I'm glad that I ended things. It was my first decisive action towards self-care.

To Cameron: I deserve someone who can sit with my sadness, who will want to mend that part of me but never count it against me. You deserve someone who isn't trying to calm you.

To both my former boys, still (apparently) in mind: goodbye.

To an assertive Courtney, one with a clearer understanding of who I am and what I need: hello.

1:37 a.m. - 2013-04-25

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

< - >